Saturday March 23, 5:59 P.M.

I'm back! So much for the once a week thing.. HA. It's actually been exactly a month since I last wrote a post. So I guess this'll be a monthly thing? Now that I have SAT class on Sunday from 1:30-5:30 my Sunday's are pretty much gone. Which means I have to do homework on Saturday. As for updates... went prom dress shopping today. I really felt good! I worked out this morning - since I did have surgery, I just did arm weights and a light ab workout. Then I showered, really took the time to make myself look pretty and... we were off! Finally I felt like a true teenager - going off to find a prom dress and with Ali driving.. it was nice. Trying on prom dresses was especially nice - as I did suspect, I have lost weight (again) because of the surgery but this time it's not as noticeable. Still, every bit helps! Unfortunately the time spent looking for prom dresses was truly too short-lived. Plus, before we even made it to the dressing rooms Rachel texted me telling me that Ben has a race the weekend of prom, therefore giving me no option to ask him to prom. So now what? Lucas and Andres are a possibility but neither one of them feels quite right. It would be nice to have a date - not even a date, just someone to go with to prom. I want to give Elias a chance, but I honestly feel like I'd be happier going alone than with Elias. That really does sound mean, but it's what I feel. Having James go with Grace is great! I really am happy for them, I just wish James could return the favor. He was nice enough to offer to help me find a prom "partner" we'll call it, but his friends really aren't as.. special... as mine. Which should make me feel good, that I have special friends and all. They don't feel so special though.

What did I do yesterday? We were planning to head up to Windham for one last hoorah but William, midweek, remembered he had to work at the highschool Jazz Festival so he couldn't go. So then MOST of the family was in. James claimed he'd be fine going without William and snowboarding on his own but as usual, he bailed on Friday. Can't completely blame him, I kinda bailed to. You see,  I was supposed to have plans with Amie. Supposed to. Then Amie kept texting me saying her rehearsal was running later, and later, until finally she just texted me telling me she couldn't hang out. How crazy is that? I'm sorry, it's just really hard to believe that a rehearsal would go until 8 or 9 o'clock on a Friday night. I don't do theatre though, so it's really not my business. So here I was again on a Friday, thinking I had plans only to see them crash through the roof. Now is that what you call special friends? Questionable. This is why I stopped texting Amie, she just seems to always bail out on me last minute, either finding something better to do or an excuse not to hang out. She is busy though. My point is, Mirei has a real excuse as much as my mom fails to believe that. Mirei has strict parents and an even stricter schedule. Amie just always seems to have better things to do. Anyways, I was really trying hard to be positive but again, this felt like a repeat of last week and I just couldn't shake that feeling. However, I decided to get off the computer and instead read - which did make me feel better. Also, I iced my knee which made me feel like I was at least doing useful things. My mom suggested the usual, dinner or a movie. At first I was completely against a movie but then I realized it wouldn't be so bad. I'm always so embarassed about going to the movies with my mom or my parents on a weekend night but I really think it's better to get out than do nothing - you just have to have confidence. I think that's the theme for this post. Whatever happens with prom, I have to go there with confidence. Be happy with whatever. Don't worry what other people think!! Now that's probably my biggest weakness.

As for the rest of today... unfortunately, afraid it's going to be very similar to yesterday. I ended up going out to dinner last night with the parents which was nice and then I ended up videochatting with Mirei which was at least one way of being social. Again, I thought I was going to hang out with Amie after today's shopping but again she's busy. I just don't think it's ever going to work out with her. So we'll see what happens tonight, for now I'll probably take Ginger out for a walk - God knows I feel guilty when she's laying around the house and staring me down with those sad eyes. How ridiculous though, I'm still in a brace, today was the first day I got off of crutches, and I still have a guilty conscience about not taking my dog for a walk! My guilty conscience, yet another one of my weaknesses. It is cold out though so we'll see if I'll actually go or not. Then the rest of the night I'll probably hit up the books, I really have to get going on homework if I'm going to do SAT tutoring tomorrow and especially if I'm going to do regular tutoring as well. Lastly, I have to call my mom. We'll see what she says about the prom situation - hate to say it but my parents really do give the best advice and have great ideas. As glad as I am that I didn't go up to Windham so that I could at least have the option of being social (hey, I did videochat and go shopping today right?), now that I'm going to start homework I really really would love to be curled up by the fireplace, possibly even with CCR playing. Take me there! Maybe next weekend, I just remembered - it's a four day week! We could go up even Thursday night, hopefully make the trip up to Albany to see Natalie and then come home for Easter.

Ah, look at all I wrote! I don't find it surprising that by reading last night and writing now I'm more calm - English just is my thing. I'm a quiet person, as much as I hate to admit it, so naturally that means I keep a lot of thoughts in my head. Writing them down on paper is truly a de-stresser. Speaking of stress, if this was the pace I could do a school essay at then I would be so money. But no. I wish!

XOXO
Maddie