Saturday February 23, 2013.
Hi..
Ugh. I woke up this morning with the scratchiest throat and a seriously bloated stomach. I tried to drink water, but it hurt too much to swallow. So I eventually got up and went downstairs to get breakfast. I had Raisin Bran with a half a banana, thinking it would help with some of the constipation. Who knows if it actually did help. After though I did have water which I could down. The water probably helped the most with the constipation. I had another small bowl of Oatmeal Squares and Cinnamon Life cause I felt like it.

Then I was planning on hopping on the bike, but I have very little energy and I'm going in to the city today with mom so I'm gonna need all the energy I can get. So I'm currently on Tumblr and writing this. I should be doing something more productive - at least get started on my French homework or my Gov essay which is due Monday but did I mention I'm tired? I might actually get started after this. I'm working on it..

Mom leaves tomorrow to go to Turks & Caicos. So jealous. My body totally isn't ready for the beach but I feel like just being in sunlight would perk up my mood and give me more energy to work out. That's why I'm so looking forward to the spring. It's cloudy here, and that really doesn't help with my mood. I'm also hoping next week I can eat healthier. Without mom packing my lunch every day, I have to pack my own lunch which means a lot more salads and healthier snacks and a lot less sandwiches. That'll be nice. If surgery is March 2nd, which is apparently what the doctor said, then - wow! - that's next Saturday. A WEEK. Mom comes home on Friday so it would work out. I really do hope I get surgery then. I just want to go ahead with things. I'm in such limbo with an injured knee. It may sound stupid but I'm secretly hoping that the surgery will help my mood overall. Last year after surgery - I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't easy the first few weeks and I don't expect it to be any easier this time - but then it got better. I lost weight, mainly muscle, because I wasn't constantly working out. That certainly helped my mood. I also became more social since you can't really avoid conversation when you're wearing a huge leg brace and have crutches - it's a conversation starter. As crazy as it sounds, this injury is, in a very little way, a blessing. I've been eating so much recently and haven't been working out, so naturally, I've gained weight. The dumb thing is I realize all of this, but I just can't change it. I'll get a headache, or just rely on food to wake me up. So having this injury, I'm hoping I will lose the weight I've gained. And let's plan on keeping it off. Overall though, what's this injury done? It's really changed my life. My soccer season next year is in jeopardy. By jeopardy I mean that there's a 99% chance I won't play. And it's my senior year. But then I look at Nicole - who am I to complain, when she's battling a lifelong disease that she almost died from. If she can do it, then I sure as hell can. Is it bad for me to feel bad for myself? I need to get out of my head. This helps. I'm thinking I'll do this once a week - Saturday mornings are nice but Sundays would be better. Sundays are just lazy days, perfect for writing. So, that's all for now. This feels really good, this writing thing.

XOXO
Maddie